People often associate the holiday season with times of joy, celebration and excitement, but typically the opposite happens. Preparing for and celebrating the holidays has increased demands on our time and energy. We feel stressed when we cannot meet these demands. When things don’t turn out as planned, we feel frustrated or disappointed. Many people find themselves getting sick at this time of year or having a shorter temper than usual. Also, holidays often trigger memories about lost loved ones or those that we’re unable to see. To help us deal with these stressors, we may turn to food or alcohol as a coping mechanism. We may also get in arguments with family and friends as means of expressing our frustration. Fortunately, it is possible to manage these feelings with some of the following tips:

1. Review your expectations. Whose expectations are they? Make sure your expectations are realistic. Try and change your focus to things you can control. You can control how you think and behave, not how others treat you. If the success of your holidays depends too much on others, you may be disappointed.

2. Assistance, please! Many people feel guilty for asking others to help while thinking it will burden others. Remember, one of the purposes of holidays is for people to come together, and everyone can lend a helping hand (including kids). Make a list of all the anticipated tasks such as set-up, cooking, decorating, and clean-up. Ask if anyone would be willing to help out with any of the tasks, or assign the tasks.

3. Write a Gratitude Journal. People who focus on what they are thankful for tend to be happier. Each night, reflect or write down three things you are thankful for. This is a great activity to do with family to focus on what really matters for the holidays.

4. Volunteer. Volunteering your time to help others is a good way to lift your spirits and broaden your friendships. This may be shoveling a neighbor’s driveway, purchasing gifts for those in need, or volunteering your time with groups that need help such as the food bank. Helping those in need helps keep the holidays in perspective.

5. Acknowledge your feelings. All feelings, positive or negative are normal. If someone close to you has recently died or you can’t be with loved ones, recognize that it is acceptable to feel sadness and grief. Give yourself permission to take some time to cry or express your feelings and then schedule something uplifting after.

6. Set aside differences. Accept family members and friends as they are, even if they do not live up to all of your expectations. Focus on the fact that you are loved, even though it may not be the way you want it. Set aside frustrations until a more appropriate time for discussion. Be understanding if others get upset or distressed when something goes wrong. Chances are, others are feeling the effects of holiday stress and blues as well.

7. Time out. Make some time for yourself. Spend 15 minutes alone, without distractions, will refresh you enough to deal with issues more effectively. Take a walk at night and attend yoga. Listen to relaxing music. Find something that reduces stress by clearing your mind and slowing down your breathing.

8. Seek professional help. You may find yourself feeling consistently stressed, sad, unable to sleep, irritable, hopeless, and less engaged than usual. If these feelings last for a few weeks, talk to a professional. Psychologists are also a great tool to explore these issues and work on strategies to feel better while getting what you need out of life and your relationships.

References

Canadian Psychological Association (2009, December). Holiday Stress. Retrieved from http://www.cpa.ca/psychologyfactsheets/holidaystress/

Mayo Clinic (2011, November). Stress, depression and the holidays: Tips for coping. Retrieved from http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/stress/MH00030

Mallory Becker
Registered Psychologist
780-482-1847
Suite 200, 10050 – 112 Street
Edmonton, AB