If your marriage is on the rocks, you’re probably more inclined to direct your attention to the signs that it is over than to trying to save your marriage. But what about taking the time to think about all of the things that signal you still have a real chance?
While some marriages end because both spouses want out, most troubled marriages have a spouse who wants to save the marriage. If you have a personal belief and value system that motivates you to finish what you start — especially if you feel that marriage is a life-long commitment—that’s a sign things can look up. Check out this article to get some online advice to help save your marriage.
Being present and self-aware shows you the contributions you are also making to the unsatisfying relationship dynamic. Coming to terms with your faults—and we all have them—means there is a lot of hope. Instead of just blaming your partner, you are able to recognize your thoughts and behaviors that are problematic and work on changing them. You develop empathy for your partner when you realize how you hurt them. Empathy helps you find and keep, and better the love.
Here are the telltale signs that your marriage still has a shot.
1. YOU KNOW YOU AREN’T THE PERFECT PARTNER.
Don’t worry, this is a good thing according to many relationship experts.. There are always relationship physics at work — every action has an equal and opposite reaction, right? So it’s important to be able to look at how your partners behaviors, moods or choices may be impacted by your behaviors or moods or choices. If you are able to cite moments where you unfairly criticized him, behaved poorly, or hurt him first, then you are seeing how your own energy and behavior can be a catalyst to a negative interaction between the two of you. If you shift how you speak or act in certain situations, it could lead to different interactions with your partner. If you can put yourself in their shoes and see that you’ve been in the wrong, there’s reason to save your marriage.
2. LITTLE REMINDERS OF THEM MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD.
Ever get a whiff of your partner’s perfume or cologne, or signature tomato sauce and feel warm and fuzzy? Savor that moment and use it. Scent is the one sense tied most closely to our emotional memories, so if their scent, or salty after-gym smell still has positive connotations to you, that’s good news. It’s almost as if your nose is telling you that, deep down, your brain still puts them in the ‘they’re a good one’ category. It’s worth looking for whether this feels true in your day to day life as well.
3. YOU BOTH RECOGNIZE FAMILY IS FIRST.
The strongest part of any family is wanting to spend the small day-to-day moments together, like going for ice cream or to the park. That’s not to say you need to stay together for the kids, but you should think twice before you file the divorce papers, breaking up the family. Ask yourself the following questions: Do you still enjoy doing things together as a family? Do you find that doing things with the kids but without your partner makes you sad? If you really enjoy spending time together as a family unit, maybe that unit is worth keeping together and working hard to save your marriage.
4. YOU STILL GO ON DATES.
Between work, home-life and keeping track of your child’s social calendar, sometimes it’s so much easier to crash on the couch and watch TV while your partner scrolls through Instagram. But don’t do this. Falling into a dateless marriage can put a damper on the roles you play to each other – husband and wife. If you still make time for ‘couple time‘ without the kids, you’re on to something. Maybe glamorous restaurants aren’t quite in the budget, but planning activities minus the kids means you want to connect – just the two of you. This is great.
5. YOU FEEL SAFE SHARING YOUR THOUGHTS AND EMOTIONS WITH YOUR SPOUSE.
Regardless of what’s going on in your marriage, you still know in your heart that you can talk to your partner about how you truly feel. We all crave acceptance for who we really are. Not pretending to be what the other person wants us to be is crucial. If both people continue to offer the other safety to be transparent without judgment or rejection, their relationship is highly susceptible to being saved.
6. YOU THINK OF YOURSELVES AS A TEAM.
Couples that think of themselves as a team, are much more likely to stay together. It is healthy that they view themselves as self-sufficient individuals, but when they also have a shared identity (we, us) they are much more likely to realize that they have within themselves the commitment to save your marriage.
7. MEMORIES ARE AT THE FOREFRONT OF YOUR MIND.
That time you did tequila shots and went skinny dipping. The amazing sangria you shared in Spain on your honeymoon. The first time your hands touched reaching for popcorn in the movie theater. Memories that make you smile and remember the good times – these are things worth holding onto. Great memories are the glue that can hold a relationship together. When things are tough, people tend to look back on all of the good times with their partner and feel hopeful that they can get back to that happy place again.It’s key to zone in on how loved you felt in the past. Get inspired to work hard on the relationship to bring all of those good feelings back and make new memories.
